Suddenly miss u, Father :(

I do not why i suddenly miss you again..........since the night i was in Hawaii..u told me in the dream that I have to take care of myself....just i did reply you that i am fine and i can look after myself. After that...u only replied me that Pa has to go !!! I have never dreamt of u since that time.....

It is mistake :(

Today, it is my unhappy day after receviing a call from Amb. He said to me with a strong voice by asking what i have sent comments to Myanmar side about ASEAN Joint Statement. Honestly, it is my mistake that i sent it without asking any permission from Amb first. Yes, my English is super poor, i should not dare to comment anything. I wrote it but it can be effected to Him and Cambodia mission's reputation. I feel unhappy with this mistake. I just thought it is ok just sharing comments....and i can change or add it later with Myanmar side if Amb. has any comment to be additional. But everything is not predictable. He said it is right ....I should not send any comment without consulting with Him first. I think i just wanna try after i asked Bong Heang whether it is ok or not if i added some words into that statement , Para 7 of Purposes, ASEAN Charter. However, i still feel it is my mistake that sent it without telling Amb first. I just don't want to say only Sorry and Sorry when i am wrong or done any mistake to others.... i want to do one thing instead of saying Sorry to other or him...but m still scared of him....i seem don't dare to say anything beside keep silent to him....i lost my voice every time i feel he is angry and use strong word to me. I feel i am so weak....and can't do anything.....................

Suffering is over...

Dear Father, Since you passed away last year on 17 May 2012. Yes, you are now fine, no more suffering and painful for you anymore. To let u left away from me or our family is good for you or not, but i really don't want u to leave us, Father. I have many regret things wanna tell you. After u just passed away for a week, it's something mixed up in my brain and feeling about what i did not do good or used to speak some inappropriate words to u before. I do hope you could forgive me with those actions and words. Time is so fast for me to spend time to look after u during u were serious sick. It also suffered for me as i had to be responsible for my work. Because i was busy with ASEAN Summit 2012. I was an Liaison Officer(LO). I also asked them to withdraw me from that work, but they could not accept my suggestion. I felt very stressful since i could not spend more time to take care of you, Father. Some members in our family said i thought and cared only work not worrying of Father:(.....However, i did not mind them cos they did not know and i also did not tell them either. Well, from now on, you are in the heaven. One thing that i wished and told myself to believe that u are in a safe, peaceful place and no more suffering. Now, i am in Brunei then sooner i will leave here for Hawaii (US)for my short training course. I hope u would be happy if u can hear about it from me. Honestly, I wish i could meet a man who loves me unconditionally like you.Yes, it is too late to show my feeling how good Father you are !....But, You have taught and given me some great experiences during you were sick and after u passed away. U taught me how to spend time and care for our beloved one. Thanks Father...U are always in my mind, heart and soul forever.

Hmm....

I now stop hiding crying, but still hiding silence in my heart. Seeing my Father can't eat even drink sometimes it's really freaking my heart ! I don't know what I exactly feel and pain now as I seem no reaction to illustrate to any one at all. I just do what I can, no matter my leg just had an accident and can't allow to walk during this condition! I still keep silent and do as normal as I usually do by wiping up Dad's body... Feed porridge then i have to brush his teeth every day to make him better when every time he breathes, no matter he can not even open his mouth to speak to me. Hmm... frankly speaking, I don't know what should I help him to get away from this disease :(... I just can help with some small things only:(....I feel so worried when Dad is hard to breath because of the Phlegm in his chest and throat is increasing as now Dad didn't drink more water only sleep on bed without saying anything any word! Yes, u might have no energy to talk nor care with people around yourself !:(... ( to be continued )

Beautiful Heart !

Since u get sick I never be happy as always worry and just only wanna take care of you every day! I am happy and warm when I stay near and see you sleep after taking meals and medicine! Just I can feed and wipe your body with warm water and see u relax and relax well just I feel no worried much and feel relieved in mind just I can go to work! You know, Dad, I feel special and I feel it is a great time that I can look after u when u're sick ! I don't feel it is kinda tired or hard for me! Even though, time is still no longer for u and me, I will try my best to take care of u with my real heart! Daughter feels happy when u said u are happy when I stay near u! I am sorry that I often get away from u because of my study and work :( ! Even now I am still busy while u are so sick ! Daughter is really thankful Dad so much that give daughter a chance to look after u when u're sick ! I don't know how to exlain my feeling now, but daughter wanna say I don't really want u leave me te !!!:( I'm always trying to be strong, keep it normal as you are okay but sometimes I still feel myself is weak! Sometimes showing a silence but inside so scaring to lose u, Daf! This year, daughter promised friends that daughter will try to open heart to see any suitable guy who can get along well with daughter, but now daughter can't do it since u're getting sick! All my feeling and heart are providing u only! Daughter doesn't feel to care of any guy ! U know ot Dad that I feel I am losing warm from u soon!:( ! Daughter jjust hope that daughter could meet a simple guy who gives daughter a real warmth and happiness and never leave daughter no matter how hard situation is ! But it is hard to receive that one ! But daughter believe that daughter will meet him soon! There are many friends and colleagues have said daughter is so high girl on selection guy!:( hmm it is not true ! I just wanna meet a simple one only no high demanding anything from him! ( to be continued )

Wanna fly !!!

Missing funny activities with friends :(

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